Still hoping

The rough patch in my life just won´t end.

I haven´t lost the hope completely but dammit, I´m very close now!

After spending winter in Spain I was coming home full of plans for training Brita, preparing her for obedience class 3 competition. I haven´t done much there because of the absence of a proper training ground so we were both enthusiastic and full of energy.

And the very first thing she has done, on a very first walk in our own forest, was to jump so clumsily that she injured her front leg and was limping badly.

There was nothing else to do than to put her on leash, shorten the walks give her medication and hope it was something that would heal by itself. Well, it wasn´t… After a couple of weeks and no change for the better we had to see an orthopedist who diagnosed a damage on her biceps tendon and during the arthroscopy found the tendon in such a bad state that the only thing to do was to cut it off ( biceps tenotomy ).

The chance for Brita to fully recover is considered to be good. But it´s going to take a looong time. We are lucky to have a very clever physiotherapist who are helping with a rehab programme but I have to forget about any competitions this year. If ever. Right now my only hope is that she will have the meaningsfull and painfree life, that´s all.

After 2 months of short walks on short leash I´m getting really fed up. We can only do some small things except that. Like walking in water every morning and some balance exercises. I´m really hoping we will be allowed to swim soon and strengthen those muscles even more.

We are using one of the lakes nearby instead for UWT, at least I can walk in water with her.

Our training lake

Early in the mornings the place is completely abandoned and quiet.

After the training

I admire Brita, she has been a wonderful and very patient soul during all this time. She accepted her captivity with no complaints. I think I have a bigger problem with accepting this boring life. And I am stressed about the doors that someone may leave open, the stairs she may climb, sofas she may jump on, all the sudden movements she may make and all the risks I cannot foresee.

our training ground at home

We are prepared for more exercises. I am going to fight for her, still have some of this fighting spirit in me, I don´t really know where it comes from, honestly.

She is a bit suspicious about all the weird movements I want her to perform but loves the treats so we find an agreement in no time.

The Border Collie is as healthy and happy as always so there are thankfully no worries with her. Always something.

Always happy and ready for fun

What has been keeping me alive during this tough time was HOPE.

Not only for Britas recovery but for a puppy. There was an interesting puppy in Poland, ready to travel abroad but I wanted to wait for Rudas grandchild. Britas sister was mated in the beginning of May. The male is 9 years old now and his sperm was of a bad quality but still. I have chosen to wait and hope. The moment the Polish puppy had found her family I got a message that Contra is empty. There will be no puppies this year. So sad…

I would like to finish this post with something positive but it will be difficult right now.

So I´ll leave it as it is.

Trying hard to regain the joy

The summer has passed, the fall is here with its beautiful colors.

At last I had the planned surgery on my spine and I feel better physically but my heart is still full of sorrow.

I go through all the moments of that last night with Ruda, my last visit to Ala, I see Xenon close to me but so terribly absent! I feel so lonely…

And I am trying to put my conscience at ease.

Ruda did not die of poisoning!

We sent her bloodwork to a profesor of toxicology and he was absolutely certain that there is no poison that could give such damages. Only one disease can- acute pancreatitis.

When I heard that all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place..

I saw myself giving her a pig ear with some fat on it, like I used to do every day. Her discomfort after having eaten it. Her pain and lack of apetite, her ruined organs. Now I have to live with my guilt for not knowing that little fat could make such an enorm damage, for not acting sooner, for not knowing that pancreatitis can kill, for letting her suffer through the night! Nothing could save her, I know, but at least I wouldn´t have left her at the vets alone and believe in miracles! I should have known better! I should have stayed with her!

I couldn´t have done anything for Ala, or for Xenon, but I could have done more for her!

Now I have to cope with all these terrible and persistent thoughts that I know will not bring her back anyway. It´s hard to find joy in all the small things around me. And forgive myself for not knowing…

But life goes on unaware of my pain.

I´ll try to follow LIFE. Not everyone at my age has the privilege to live.

During this summer I lost a friend to cancer. We used to train our dogs together. Ruda and her pinscher Ole were in the same age but she was much younger than me. Full of life and unable to accept the death sentence. Hard för me to believe I´ll never see You again Mirre!

RIP MIRRE, I will always remember You!

RIP RUDA, You will always stay in my heart

I have already started to pack my belongings and plan the journey to Spain. We should leave in a few days. I´m afraid of going there, where I saw Ruda alive for the last time. But the time will heal the wounds, I know.

The rest of the pack is well and happy.

Brita managed to get an excellent in obedience class 2 so now we have a lot of training ahead of us with all the new exercises in the next, and last, class. I have to find a place to work with the dogs even in Spain as this keeps me alive.

Maybe an isolated beach would do? I know of such a place.

As I usually try to finish my post in a positive way, let me present Britas sister Contra.

Beautiful, very open and social bitch.

Her owner, Henrik, is planning to have a litter!

That would be an unexpected chance for me to have Rudas grandchild!

So far everything goes well, the X-rays of hips and elbows are perfect, mental test done and one dog show done with an Excellent and BOB title.

She is just a pet but with such a wonderful character she really should leave some offspring behind. The male is decided, DNA test taken so now we just have to cross the fingers and wait for the next season.

Let LIFE win!

A wooden box with ashes

This is what´s left of my beloved dog…

My heart is broken and my eyes filled with tears.

Life is so cruel and unfair!!!

I just needed 4 more days to get her back home! Alive!

She was so full of life that last day, and the next day she was gone!

She died in less than 20 hours from first symptoms! And the symptoms were mild! Just a little discomfort in the evening, little pain in the abdomen during the night and lack of apetite. That´s all!

I watched over her during that night and checked her colours and her belly and thought she was suffering from pancreatitis. Or something else curable.

We went to the vets in the morning. She got painkillers and was given the drip.

They even took blood samples and the result shocked me. All the organs were affected…My mind refused to believe it. We were told to leave her there, quiet and half asleep on the drugs and collect her in the evening.

But she died before I had a chance to come back and hold her paw!

And thank her for all she had given me during these 11 years…

My head is full of questions, cannot think about anything else!

What was it that could kill her in such a short period of time??? And where could she have found it??? Will we ever know?

The vet who made the necropsy thought it was a poison for rats. But I thought I had watched over her all the time. The dogs were never out of sight!

I don´t know if I will be able to go back there again. And live without fear.

My sweet puppy forgive me for not being able to watch over You well enough and for not being able to bring You back home safe!

I´M SO SORRY!

First puppy pic

These eyes, always watching me

Beautiful teenager

Oh how I will miss these eyes

FAREWELL MY BEAUTY, I`LL ALWAYS MISS YOU!

Tough beginning

I am still in Spain.

There are only a couple of weeks left until we start our long travel back home.

But nothing really matters to me right now, I feel completely empty.

These last months have been filled with a sense of loss and grief.

First I lost Sofia, the cat that always was the first one to come to meet me in our Spanish house. A bit skinny this year I thought. Few weeks later we had to go to the vet to say last farewell. She was dying and there was nothing else we could do for her. Even my dogs must have understood she was sick because they allowed her to come into the house.

I don´t know what it was and why but she was a very special creature to me. Now I just have her portrait on the wall…

Just a couple of weeks later I found out that one of my dearest people on this Earth was diagnosed with a lung cancer.

My cousin Ala, my best friend since early childhood has passed away in Februari. I know it doesn´t have much to do with my dogs but yes, in a way it does She spent with us almost every summer these past years helping me with their training or just keeping us company.

My dogs adored her as much as I did. I don´t really think I´ll ever be whole without her…

On the picture with my previous dogs, all of them gone now… I hope they have welcomed her there, on the other side.

As it wasn´t enough with the pain of my soul I got some physical pain as well. And the real one! This again isn´t about my dogs but yes, it has a great impact on their well-being!

The problems with my spine have worsened a lot during past weeks. As to the point that walking even 100 m with my dogs was on the edge of inability. Despite all the drugs I took every morning. Every step I made was a battle.

I´m using past tense because I went to a Spanish orthopedist who had a mercy on me and give me two pain-blocking injections. It works now quite well but I don´t know for how long. The problem that cause the pain has to be solved by surgery. There is no other way.

Now, back to the dogs. Their life has been rather bored the past weeks. Not even that we aren´t able to train but our long walks has been drastically shortened.

They all have had their birthdays recently and now I have two real veterans. Not that it is something very visible.

The Border Collie, now 9 years old, runs with her sticks as usual.

Ruda, now 11 years, is very fit and moving freely but doesn´t make more effort than necessary. She would still be very engaged when training, as her appetite has reached the very top, but she wouldn´t lose her energy on unimportant things, like, for example, chasing birds on the beach. And now when I feel bad and walk slowly she just keeps the same tempo. Always close to me…

And then my little donkey Brita. Always very alert and watching the street cats with an interest far over the normal. Always ready to chase them here in the village or in the mountains, especially during the night. My dogs wear light collars at night and I can see her light moving high up. She is an expert on these mountains like a mountain goat. Well, her real name is Cabrita…

She is 5 years old now.

I wanted to end this post here.But before I managed to publish this blog a new disaster happened.

As though my task for this year is getting used to lose the most beloved creatures in my life…

Yesterday my husband was forced to let my wonderful, wise and lovely cat Xenon move over the rainbow bridge. Brain tumor. He´s been unwell for some time but I hoped he will wait until I come home and cure him with my love.

Coming back home won´t be easy this year…

The end of summer

Another beautiful summer has come to an end. We are packing our belongings and planning yet another trip to Spain very soon.

The summer has been exceptionally long, warm and busy. Very successful as well. Not only on the competition ground but in the garden as well. Lots of veggies and fruits were produced this year, thanks to an unusually mild temperatures.

Although the weather is still nice and the colors of fall spectacular, it´s time to move to a more friendly place for the winter which will come here anytime and without a warning.

Despite the warm weather we trained quite a lot this summer. And best of my trio was my wonder-dog Ruda. Her speed and engagement scares me sometimes as I am aware that her physical abilities must have decreased now when she is already over 10 years old.. But she so desperately wants to get the rewards that she attempts to make the extreme effort to get them. Well, I have to think twice. Warm her up carefully and choose the easiest exercises, without risking injuries. She doesn´t have any thought about quitting!

Prima is, as usual, very eager to do anything I ask her for. She is just this fantastic dog that never have bad days. She wakes up happy every morning and goes to bed exhausted and happy every evening loading batteries for another happy day. It makes me smile to watch her living the best life ever!

Then there is Brita. I was supposed to compete with her in obedience class 2 this fall but I don´t really feel prepared. It´s not a problem to teach her all the new exercises but her speed and engagement it´s not really there. At least not on the level I would like it to be. I know she can do a lot better but somehow I´m still trying to find the way to change her attitude. So I have to go back to the beginning and speed her up. She is still young, there is no rush. I only hope it wouldn´t have to take such a long time like with her mother….

Except obedience training we enjoyed swimming in the lake almost every day through the whole summer. The precious memories are captured in the photos I really like to share. Now we´ll have to wait until the next season and hope we are all fit and healthy.

As mentioned before we are now loading for the long trip. Every year I have to overcome this overwhelming feeling of fear when I think about this almost 4000 km long journey. Driving alone with the dogs. Traffic jams in Germany. The rain and the darkness. Sometimes even snow storms. I always try to be smart and choose the best solutions but the reality is unpredictable.

But I have made it three times already. I hope for the best but I`m prepared for the worst. I´ll do it again! Why shouldn´t I?

Never give up!

I don’t really understand what happened yesterday on the competition ground but my dream came true! We did it!

Ruda got her third excellent in obedience class 3 and the title of Swedish Obedience Champion!

And what a fantastic performance it was! Not only has she gained 293 points of 320 possible but she was best of all the competitors, and there was 17 of them!!!

At the age of 10 years she ruled out the bunch of young Border Collies that usually take the highest scores!

But the most important thing is that she performed with joy! She was happy between the exercises with my verbal rewards, jumped like a puppy and smiled! Yes, dogs can smile!

And, of course, I did not make any mistakes myself. As I got the last starting number I was so exhausted of waiting that I couldn’t feel any stress anymore.

And the weather was on our side too, cloudy but no rain, just perfect!

Oh, I can’t express how happy and proud I am! Of both of us!

Last year I was about to give up trying. I started to doubt it was possible for us to achieve the goal. On the other hand, knowing how good she was I just couldn’t let it go without giving it one more chance. So I tried again in May and she got her second excellent which cheered me up enormously!

Now with just one more needed I had to give it a try! And the result speaks for itself! Finally she showed the best of her on competition!

I’m so happy I didn’t give up on her and that we had that moment of triumph after hundreds of hours spent on the training ground!

So now Ruda has become a pensioner like me, an active one, like myself. She loves training so we will continue doing some things but avoiding physically demanding exercises, remembering that she is an old lady after all!

And now I can finally focus more on her daughter preparing her for class 2 competition. Would be nice to leave class 2 behind us during this season.

Yeah, let’s see if I’ll manage to fulfill this plan as well!

Another year has passed

I am back in Sweden, trying to make the best of it, despite the terrible weather that chocked us all!

Winter in the end of April! According to meteorologists quite normal for this part of the world, but just not what we all expected!

Since a whole year has passed from my last post I wouldn’t even think of trying to fill the gap.

There was one summer, one fall and one winter in between. Quite ordinary. Nothing unusual happened in that time except the fact that we all got a bit older. But this is normal.

First Prima, the Christmas baby, celebrated her 8th birthday.

Then Ruda, a mature lady now, became 10 years old! Fortunately it doesn’t seem to bother her much!

And in March the puppy had her 4th birthday! Maybe it’s about time to stop calling her a baby?

The winter was spent in Spain, third time in a row. From the beginning of November until the end of March we enjoyed sunny and warm days while people here in Sweden experienced one of the toughest winters in recent years.

I’m so grateful I can leave all this behind and live my life as I like it! Outside as much as possible, without freezing and without snow!

I think the doggies are happy too even if we don’t follow the same style of life as we do at home. I still haven’t found a space to train obedience reasonably close to the village we live in. There are some places I could adapt for training by cleaning piles of dog poo first, and sometimes I did, but it just wasn’t so appealing. And somehow everyday training, which is such an essential part of our life here, isn’t that necessary there.

We have our walks with some of the neighbours and friends from the village.

We make short trips to explore new places in the area and are getting more and more impressed!

After a very dry and hot summer here in Andalusia some rain has fallen in the end, letting wild flowers to explode!

In a very short time the brown was replaced with green and the lake of Viñuela was recollecting its water reserves.

Oh! And we have got a new friend in the house! Well I should rather say I got a friend because the dogs, especially the two Belgians would like to do everything to keep the bloody cat away!

But she is clever, very smart. She makes small steps and the dogs are more and more allowing. We will see what happens next year! She doesn´t have a home, her owners moved away and left her behind. But she knows how to provide the food for herself so I don´t worry for her!

I miss my Spanish life but now we are here and trying to adjust to a different tempo of life. We wouldn´t be able to survive the extremely hot Spanish summer anyway!

A lot has been done in the garden and there is a lot to be done.

Slowly we are coming back on the training ground and check if there won’t be very shameful to start in some spring competitions with Ruda. I haven’t given up the dream about the champion title and she is still very fit and willing! I’ll give it a try!

Brita has to polish some exercises from class 2 so I need some time to prepare her. Last fall she competed in class 1 with an excellent result, got almost 300 points of 320 possible.

Right now it´s a bit complicated to find time to train as much as I would like.

The garden needs a lot of my attention and energy now but I´m trying to do my best! I always start the day with a walk and training and then continue in the garden, so the dogs get the best of me.

This is the very first time I have done updating on my phone. The pictures aren´t that good but the work could be done much quicker!

Who knows, I may repeat the same procedure before another year passes away.

I wonder how we were able to live without our smartphones once!

La primavera

I have been walking here in this beautiful place at least 3 times a week during past 5 months and very soon I shall pack my belongings and return home. I wonder, as usual, how it is possible that all this time spent here just vanished in one second? It must be because I love being here? And how it is possible that I didn´t find a moment to update my blog even once? Is it because I´m always busy doing something more important?

Anyway, here I am trying to write something in English though my head is full of Spanish words. Learning this complicated language has become my new hobby and I can see a reasonable improvement since last year. But I have a looong way ahead before I can manage to say what I wish to say and how I would like to say it.

My dogs enjoy being here as well. I haven´t been able to find a place to train obedience but somehow we can survive without it. Instead we walk a lot in the mountains, on beaches and around my favourite lake of Vinuela.

We have also become a part of the family in the little village where we live, or so it feels for me anyway.

I know all the neighbours, dogs and even cats. I have been helping feeding the street cats here and they are not afraid of me anymore. There is one woman here who had opened her heart for unwanted cats and ended up with about 20 of them. It feels so right to be able to support her!

Some of the cats are tame, some of them half wild but they all come out when they see me. Some would like to follow me home but my dogs have shown an absolut lack of hospitality!

The weather has been a bit unpredictable this winter. At least when I compare with last year. We had some very cold periods a bit unusual for Andalusia. I have seen snow on the nearest mountain quite often this year. And now, the whole March has been unusually hot.

March last year was a bit cold and wet, this time we have been swimming every day, the dogs in the lake and I in our pool. Every day the temperature has been well above 20 degrees. Like Swedish summer.

The only thing that worries me is the lack of water. Not only for the plants in my little garden but generally. Since I came here in November it rained a couple of days in middle December and half a day in February. That´s all.

The dogs have been very healthy and balanced all the time. No worries, just pure happiness.

Only lately I noticed Ruda had worms and had to deworm them all earlier than planned. I always do it just before we return home from travelling abroad but I suppose I have to do it once more time this year and keep doing it twice every time we are here.

They all had their Birthdays while being here.

Prima turned 7 in December.

Then Ruda turned 9 in February

And little Brita is now 3 years old!

On our walks we sometimes have company of two chicos living across the street - a chihuahua Bruto and a some kind of Spaniel Roy.

I must say I am impressed by Brutos strong personality and Roys infinite patience with this little guy. The boys sometimes follow us on our walks in the nearest area without their owner.

Well, I could say I made friends among people here and my girls among the dogs but that partially would be a lie. The girls hardly accept them though finally the boys have learned to show a total respect.

I try to convince myself that it will be nice to return to Sweden, resume our normal activities, rejoin the family and old friends back at home. But it is hard to leave all the new friends and places we enjoy so much!

Life is about making choices and it´s never easy.

I will miss the paths around Vinuela, sound of singing birds, nightly frog concerts, ringing bells of grazing goats , the sea waves and SUN!

Everyone says summer in Andalusia is unbearable so we are so lucky to be able to take the best of two different worlds! Lets enjoy beautiful Swedish summer then!

See You soon sunny Andalusia!